Maybe you want to show a guy that you like him, or maybe your lifelong partner enjoys having you tease her into ecstasy. Using your mouth to say what's on your mind can add a special spin to an evening in PJ's or a night on the town. Let's start with the basics. Men really tend to be the more visual and women the more auditory and kinesthetic. I did my Ph.D. dissertation on pornography films (yes, they used to be made as films then as videos and now on disks) and found the research to back up this assumption. Of course, like all generalizations not ALL men are motivated sexually by what they see, just like not ALL women are cajoled into the bedroom by sexy words or a quick pat on the cheek (either kind).

I believe that many women (and some men) can learn a lot to propel them into better sex in the boudoir by adjusting the dials on their erotic speaking styles. To have great sex, or even to have sex happen at all, you may need to activate that head-heart-crotch connection.

The realm of the mind turns on some people. Others feel more sexual when their hearts are open (emotionally ready). Others like to talk about what to do or what they may like to have happen sexually, in a very explicit but not necessarily erotic ways. And finally, there are those who get off from "down'n'dirty" raunchy talk, like you might hear in a XXX flick.

What's your erotic speaking style? You may be surprised to learn which one fits you best. For now, try these on for size:

1. Intellectual/Brainy


2. Romantic


3. Soft Core


4. XXX/ Hard Core

What might someone say to communicate with a lover in each of the four erotic speaking styles? Picture yourself in this situation. You're sitting in the living room, about to have a glass of wine or juice with a lover. It's late in the evening, you aren't feeling like ending your "date" yet, and you want to say how you are feeling.

Here goes:

1. Intellectual/brainy:




1. "I think you're a fascinating guy, Henry."


2. "I admire your aesthetics, Marcia."




2. Romantic




1. "I adore you, Henry."


2. "I feel so close to you, Marcia."




3. Soft core




1. "I want you to suck on my clit, Henry."


2. "I want you to go down on me, Marcia."




4. XXX, Hard Core




• (Come on, you know exactly what Marcia or Henry could say, just far more graphic.)

So, you can tell, I'm sure, that each of these erotic-speaking styles has its own distinct flair and flavor. Discover which one feels right for you and try them all on for size until you find the one that fits you best. You may want to start at A. then escalate up (or make that down) to D. Raunch-ify your bedroom banter and see what happens! Just like Goldilocks and three little bears in the fairy tale, until you try all the beds, you won't know which one's "just right" for you.

(See Dr. Britton’s Yardstick of Touch Below and watch this page for another posting soon on tips, hints and advice from Dr. Britton.)